If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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