This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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