Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
