one two three fourrrrnication!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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