Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
