The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
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In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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