i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
