summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize