sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize