Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
