Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
