I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I touched a dick in church today
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