4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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