dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
