so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
