I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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