I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
