People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
