Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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