it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
