wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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