I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I did not marry a roomba.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
