I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
