You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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