Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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