He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
