Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
