I could make wine with my vomit
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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