he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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