Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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