I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize