Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
