"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
