I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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