escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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