just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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