Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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