they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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