If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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