I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
