Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
