How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
