The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
