Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
