I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
