something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So many bounce houses so little time
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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