it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
