Your face is a jimmy john
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
