I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
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I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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