if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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