haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
