As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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