...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
