I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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