My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
