I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
