I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
