He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
