Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have fence marks all over my body
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
