remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
