Have you finally orgasmed yet?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Randomize
