I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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