What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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